Hello, Black Mirror-ish version of yourself. Welcome to your new job! Many are nervous during their first day at work, but don't worry. It’s easy, and with minimal effort you will excel at your new career.

You’ve obviously found your workstation. Your job is to sit here and wait for a badge or notification to appear. When it does, you’ll hear a beep or a ding, letting you know that it's time to get to work. Quickly type whatever message, accept whatever invite, or install whatever update that is required to make the badge or notification disappear. That’s it.

You are permitted to watch videos between notifications, but be aware that, at times, the rate of incoming notifications have been found by some to be irritating and overwhelming.

You should also note that any work required to make notifications or badges disappear is inconsequential and will not have any weight during your quarterly performance review. Employees who are new to this career path may find this difficult to adjust to, but in time they complete an entire day of work with no idea whether or not they accomplished anything at all.

Again, welcome to your new job.

Notifications begin in 3… 2… 1…

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